Ein lustiger Brief, der herumgereicht wird ...

Antworten: 3
  30-11-2009 15:05  gdo
Ein lustiger Brief, der herumgereicht wird ...
Ohne Kommtar ...



Rt Hon David Miliband MP
Secretary of State.
Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs (DEFRA),
Nobel House
17 Smith Square

16 July 2009

Dear Secretary of State,

My friend, who is in farming at the moment, recently received a cheque for £3,000 from the Rural Payments Agency for not rearing pigs. I would now like to join the "not rearing pigs" business.

In your opinion, what is the best kind of farm not to rear pigs on, and which is the best breed of pigs not to rear? I want to be sure I approach this endeavour in keeping with all government policies, as dictated by the EU under the Common Agricultural Policy.

I would prefer not to rear bacon pigs, but if this is not the type you want not rearing, I will just as gladly not rear porkers. Are there any advantages in not rearing rare breeds such as Saddlebacks or Gloucester Old Spots, or are there too many people already not rearing these?

As I see it, the hardest part of this programme will be keeping an accurate record of how many pigs I haven't reared. Are there any Government or Local Authority courses on this?

My friend is very satisfied with this business. He has been rearing pigs for forty years or so, and the best he ever made on them was £1,422 in 1968. That is - until this year, when he received a cheque for not rearing any.

If I get £3,000 for not rearing 50 pigs, will I get £6,000 for not rearing 100? I plan to operate on a small scale at first, holding myself down to about 4,000 pigs not raised, which will mean about £240,000 for the first year. As I become more expert in not rearing pigs, I plan to be more ambitious, perhaps increasing to, say, 40,000 pigs not reared in my second year, for which I should expect about £2.4 million from your department. Incidentally, I wonder if I would be eligible to receive tradable carbon credits for all these pigs not producing harmful and polluting methane gases?

Another point: These pigs that I plan not to rear will not eat 2,000 tonnes of cereals. I understand that you also pay farmers for not growing crops. Will I qualify for payments for not growing cereals to not feed the pigs I don't rear?

I am also considering the "not milking cows" business, so please send any information you have on that too. Please could you also include the current Defra advice on set aside fields? Can this be done on an e-commerce basis with virtual fields (of which I seem to have several thousand hectares)?

In view of the above you will realise that I will be totally unemployed, and will therefore qualify for unemployment benefits. I shall of course be voting for your party at the next general election.

Yours faithfully,

Nigel Johnson-Hill

  30-11-2009 21:51  teilchen
Ein lustiger Brief, der herumgereicht wird ...

Hehehe, da mach ich auch mit! Muss man dafür was können?
Ich steig ins Nicht-Kleider-Nähen-Business ein - die könnt ich dann nämlich nebst Förderung zusätzlich noch einem Kaiser verkaufen :-)

  01-12-2009 00:16  Mick
Ein lustiger Brief, der herumgereicht wird ...

Das ist die Zukunft!...dachte ich mir beim lesen.

Aber nachdem der Geheimtip jetzt hier gepostet wurde, werden wohl bald alle diese Nische besetzen und keine schweine halten.

oder keine kühe


  01-12-2009 07:32  krampus
Ein lustiger Brief, der herumgereicht wird ...

Den Text gibts schon 20 Jahre in Deutsch.

Das war ja Fischlers - Agrarkonzept in seiner Amtszeit!

Ab der Einführung von Ausgleichszahlungen bekamen plötzlich stinkfaule "Grundbesitzer " einen Haufen Geld für allerlei Maßnahmen die Diese vorher aus lauter Bequemlichkeit getroffen hatten!

Andere, fleißige und umsichtig wirtschaftende Bauern mußten sogar ihren Viehstand reduzieren um den Bestimmungen zu entsprechen!

In diesem Bereich gibt es ungeheure Ungerechtigkeiten - man denke nur an die "entkoppelten" Prämien und das ist ja so ähnlich wie im Brief beschrieben!